In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I love you.
Bad choice
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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