We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
