Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
