I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
