i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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