I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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