he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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