so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I need to calm my uterus...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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