I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
