I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
