I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
