just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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