cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
