A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
