Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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