Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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