btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
