I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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