just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
