He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
