She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
