party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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