she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
