I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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