Got a toothbrush?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
