Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
