if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Two words: nipple clamps
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