If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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