i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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