I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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