I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
