he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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