Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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