Dual....:-)
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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