I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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