the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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