We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If I die, sorry about rent.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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