If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize