I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
