Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
