quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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