Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
