If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
