You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
