omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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