there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
