If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
