Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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