i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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