She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
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I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
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And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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