I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
