my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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