doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
