In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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