I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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