something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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