dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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