I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
porn star boner night. come get it.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
