if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
