It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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