I wish my penis had an off switch
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
