we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
