I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
