The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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