you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
