Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
