Ketchup is God's man juice
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
