Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
