I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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