i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
