Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
