i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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