you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
