Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
