I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
