We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
