why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I have post one night stand depression
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
