I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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